Lost sped across the Atlantic Ocean as fast as his boat could carry him, he found his way along the Manchester Ship Canal and tied up his boat, as he jumped out he looked around and thought to himself, hmm, nice cars but why are dudes kissing dudes here?

It didn;t take Lostlong to realise he was inthe Gay Village of Manchester, "Oh man!" he panicked "I need to fnd intex quick and get him out of here"

He rang his cell phone againa nd asked inki to describe any buildings around him, tall ones so Lsost could locate him easier, "thereis a staute of a fat Queen call Victoria, I am stood next to that " explained inki.

"Oh yeah I see it" said Lost as he hurried towards the Statue, but when he got tehre he saw a little hottie and decided to perk for a while, "Well here there" smoothed Lost to the lady "That's a nice dress you wearing"

~SLAP~ "It's me you fool!" said a deep voice.

"inki?" quizzed Lost

"Who else now get me the hell out of here FAST!"

All of a sudden Lost didn't feel like perking any more and explained to intex that dressing in womens clothes would make him end up in the clutches of big hairy men that won't take no for an answer.

Intex explained about Matilda and why he wore womens clothing, Lost didn't seem interested in his reasons as Lost was too busy day dreaming about Matilda "hmm Perk!"

To snap him out of inki inki poked his shepards hook into Losts foot and said "come on lets move it! we have work to do"

&quot;oh yeah&quot; replied Lost looking dissappointed that he had just been snapped out of his day dream....<br><br>Post edited by: Nidi, at: 2007/07/07 11:43

Before answering the door, Lost picks up the phone and on his speed dial rings PlayGirl magazine....&quot;Quick send a photog... I have sexiest man alive here lounging in my smoking jacket...he is surely going to be your best magazine cover in decades.... and BTW my usual 30% cut on you magazine sales..will seal the deal)....kkkk...DEAL

Before opening the front door, Inky checked himself in the mirror and cracked a rubbish joke (as usual) - My gosh I am smoking ! in my new smoking jacket - said Inky to himself, whilst blowing a kiss at his reflection in the mirror.
The door creaked open to reveal a mysterious woman, with long black and purple locks, and rather chic sunglasses. Her head was bobbing back and forth rhythmically, as she listened to her fave band on her ipod.
She chewed gum, sardonically, wiped her nose on her sleeve and enquired 'Lost ?'. 'No replied Inky' 'Someone found me and saved me'
The darkly mysterious woman looked perplexed. WTF ?
Who is this dude anyway ? she asked herself.
(whilst secretly admiring the dapper looking smoking jacket and coveting it)
'Would you care to come in for a sweet sherry?' The grey haired dashing young man invited.
'Got a pint of guiness mate ?' asked the sultry seductress before him.
Inky panicked..guiness..was lost the kind of guy to appreciate such fine ale? and where were the pretzels? He flapped around a bit gayly, squaling like a girlie till Lost re-appeared and slapped him out of his hysteria. 'Get a grip man ! ' Losty growled..then 'Perk ! who is that amazing mysterious creature in our parlour ?', He ruffled his hair to give the 'just got out of bed look' and sashayed forward, holding out his hand to be kissed.

As the hand was held out before her, she pulled out her gum and slapped it in his hand, &quot;thanks, the taste of the gum was fading&quot; Lost jaw hit the ground and she stepped into the hall way.

&quot;The name is Nidi&quot; she explained as she slipped out of her coat and threw it at inki to hang up. Unfortunately inki being so tiny got lost for a few seconds under the coat.

&quot;I'm here on business&quot; replied Nidi &quot;I had a vision, the vision said I must seek out a Lost and inki and it showed me where you can be found, so here I am&quot;

&quot;What may the business be my fair lady&quot; sleazed Lost.

&quot;I believe this is right up your alley&quot; then Nidi went on to explain &quot;There is money to be made, Cosmopolitan are doing a secret survey on what women hate about men who try to flirt them, I feel you two are the perfect candiates to go out there and find out the truth and report it back&quot;.

&quot;However could you possibly mean we are fine candidates&quot; asked inki whilst rubbing his thighs with both hands.

&quot;Look at you both, do I really need to answer this question?&quot; enquired Nidi.

Lost looked at inki and inki looked back at lost, they need not even reply, they knew she was right, they were men of the world, who wondered about many things in their day time, things such as,&quot;I wonder what colour underwear that womans wearing&quot; when a lady walked past, or &quot;I bet she has mirrors above her bed&quot; and &quot;I know she likes me i can tell, i am the sexiest man alive all the fems like me&quot;. Alas it was true, they were perfect candidates.

&quot;OK&quot; they both replied &quot;You win, there is money to be made, where do we start?&quot;

&quot;It's a international study, so lets start by sending you both to France and see what the french maids make of you two&quot; Nidi told them.

&quot;hmm Perk France&quot; (no need to work out which one gave that reply)

&quot;And remember boys, I will be watching you&quot; Nidi winked before vanishing in a poof of smoke.

&quot;I think she needs to quit smoking&quot; said inki.

&quot;Lets go prepare ourselves for this mission&quot; said lost...
<br><br>Post edited by: Nidi, at: 2007/07/08 17:07

As Inki and Lost begin preparations for their mission, Lost begins to wonder ... my toys i can't bring them all with me!!! Inki begins with Lost my man, i must eat before we leave for France. Well Inki you are fortunate there, my son the chef was home over the weekend and he cooked up a storm, he left many things in the fridge. Just help yourself.

Inki finds his way back to the kitchen, opens up the fridge and his eyes widen in surprise Look at all this food.

Lost has finally decided he can't bring any of his toys with him and as he makes his way to the kitchen he is trying to think of (yes lost is actually thinking) ways he is going to impress all those French maids without his arsenal of toys. Lost walks over to the fridge opens it up and finds it empty!! Inki what did you do with all the food, it is going to spoil if we take it with us. Inki replies oh Lost, food spoiling is something you will never have to worry about when i am near.
Lost thinks oh dear I better get us on a plane quickly while i can still afford the plane tickets.

As Inki and Lost get off the plane the flight attendant rolls her eyes :blink: (i think the two of them bathed in cologne). We will have to air the plane out.

As blind luck would have it, Lost and Inki run into a busload of beauty pageant contestants. Inki is looking all around him and not watching where he is walking, and lost is well lost in thought thinking about all his toys he left at home. Neither paying attention to where they are going and *smack* they both walk into the side of the bus. OUCH they both yell at once. Twenty beautiful ladies come running off the bus, fawning over the both of them... are you both ok? You didn't hurt yourselves did you?

As they both puff up their chest, their hands running to their GREY hair to make sure it is in place, preening themselves like a pair of peacocks, about to strut their feathers in front of a potential mate, they claim, us hurt oh no. We saw this busload of the most beautiful ladies in the whole world and it looked as if there was an intruder lurking under your bus, so we thought we would scare them away. Oh how brave and daring of the both of you, how can we ever thank you?

Now Inki and Lost both think hmmmm this is our opportunity Well let us all go sit on the bus and discuss this. The ladies all decide to let their heroes enter the bus first, when suddenly ... Bang, Bang, Bang...... Inki and Lost both yell someone is shooting at us then turn around to run off the bus and knock all the ladies to the ground in their haste to escape.

As the beauties pick themself up from the ground, brushing the dust off their clothes, one of them says... Haven't those poor pathetic souls ever heard a car backfire before? .....