1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at
all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain
and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send
me until I return from vacation. Please be patient andyour mail will be
deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for
the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional wordin your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try
sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did thisover and over.)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expectto receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your
PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' insteadof 'Bob'