After several more weeks of wandering about, drifting in and out bars, churchs, and laundry mats, Lost, realized he needed some expert advice.
Research was the key in this informational age, to solving any problem. Or so he had been lead to believe by the constant spam messages by Bill Gates.

Lost, finally was able to access the Worldwide Net, after 3 months of figuring out how to turn on the computer. Duh, who would have thought you had to plug in the power supply. Stupid planet. Everything is complicated! On board the alien ship, things were much simpler. Of course he was in a padded room the entire time.

Surfing the net, Lost diligently searched for the answer to his problem. Finally, it caught his eye! An expert! Yes, that was the ticket. He would go see the foremost expert on the entire planet regarding sexual matters. He copied out the address by hand (since he couldn't figure out how to put paper into the laser printer) and rushed out of the house. After getting several tickets from nearby RCMP, he went back in and put on some pants. Apparently going naked, caused earth humans to react violently. Escpeially if you looked like you were running around with a dried up prune between your legs.

Finally, after hours of navigating (it was only 3 blocks away), Lost arrived at the mansion of the expert he had selected. Once again he looked at his notes and nodded. Yes, this was the guy, the worlds foremost expert on women and ALL sexual matters! He couldn't fail, if he could get just a few minutes of this expert's time.

He approached the door and knocked. After 10 minutes of waiting, he finally pushed the big button with the sign that said. "Press here for attendance". The door opened up and there stood the very same blonde that he had accosted on his first foray into his playboy adventures.

"My god, are you the expert?" he asked, starting to drool all over the porch.

"Oh no" she giggled, "I am his assistant. I uh, assist in his research"

"Well, can I have a few minutes of his time. I need to learn all there is about women so I can be the worlds greatest playboy!"

"A few minutes" she replied and laughed. "Well do you have money"

Lost pulled out a fistful of diamonds that the aliens had provided him and said..."Is this enough"?

The blonde snatched the diamonds faster than a gator gobbling Steve Irwins leg. "right this way".

As they entered the library, there stood the most magnifient speciman of manhood that Lost has witnessed. For a very brief moment, he considered switching genders and turning gay. But alas, his conditioning prevented him from chasing anyone but females.

"Greetings" said the perfect speiciman of manhood. "I am Slayne, Master of all knowledge of women and sexual behaviors in this galaxy"

Lost was awed by the very presence of the sexual master. And for 2 hours the master expounded on his wisdom. Finally, when Lost could absorb no more, his mind already overwhelmed by the tips and techniquies, he thanked Master Slayne and rushed out (tripping on the porch and tearing a hole in his bell bottom pants). He couldn't wait to try even one of the techniques.

Back in the mansion, Slaynes assistant, Blonde Factor asked Slayne if that man would have any chance of becoming an international playboy. Slayne mumbled that with his looks and brains, he'd be lucky to have a 9.4324% chance of ever getting a phone number from a woman!

Soon after lost left the building, a Doctor came into the room where slayne and the blonde assistant were laughing. In his hand he was holding a well painted carboard sign that had been taped over the proper sign out at the road Experimental Daycare of Sunyvale Farm.
"The two of you have been warned about this before, you really are not ready for release from the sanitorium, back to Sunyvale Farms with you both."

The doctor walks to the door shaking his head, that slayne always pretends to be some kind of sex expert, i hope the information he passed to that poor soul wasn't as bad as the last time.

Lost being anxious to try the first technique, follows slayne's advice and heads towards the mall wondering how he did not think of this himself. Even alien females love to shop. This should be an excellent place to pick up females of the species he says. That slayne sure knew what he was talking about, i don't understand the next part, but i'm willing to follow all his advice.

Carefully checking his notes, lost begins walking the mall shaking his hips as he saunters through the mall, carefully checking out all who walk by him. WOW!! over there... that's the one, slayne said to listen carefully and if someone was mumbling donuts donuts donuts to walk up to them and plant a big kiss on their lips. This is perfect, dark hair, suntanned skin, round hips, tight pants, and teeth that sparkle.

Lost walks up, taps the person on the shoulder, grabs their cheeks and plants a big on inki's lips!!!!!!!!!

"you think I'm sexy or u just want a bite of my donut?" asked wide eyes inki.

"I want you to bear my children" lost started to explain.

"but I'm a man" replied inki.

"nobodys perfect" replied Lost.

Bugga was hiding behind a pillar in the mall, he was shaking his head is dismay at what he could do to help Lost achieve his goal.

As Lost contemplated all the new information he had received from Master Slayne (which, btw, could not be said wiff straight face)he decided he would stop for a bite to eat while he thought about what his next move would be. He observed his waitress approaching and made mental notes about her appearance. He liked what he saw, but knew he needed to get a little more practice in before attempting to achieve this great prize. He scribbled on his napkin one name, Snowie.

After eating his lunch, he noticed another woman sitting at the table next to him. He thought to himself, now this one seems perfect to try my new moves out on. He slowly slid out of his seat, slantered over in her direction. She glanced up and tried as hard as she could to control the laughter she felt rising in her throat. Could he really be heading her direction? omg, what will I say, how will I keep from laughing? Just as she finished the thought, Lost tried his first line....."Has anyone ever told you how fat you are"? The look of pure shock made Lost wonder..."did I say something wrong"? The next thing he knew he was bent over in extreme pain. What was this excrutiating pain coming from between the legs? It took some time, but finally Lost was able to stand as man was made to stand, upright. He took out his little notebook and made a note to ask Master Slayne to explain what went wrong. When finished he slid the notebook back in his pocket for safe keeping and continued on his search for a mate.

In Losts confused travels with his new mate and companion his mission was still not clear as to where the next woman would be found. So he and muffy (the dog) went into a local pub where as they could sit and regain there thoughts. Where low and behold Lost couldnt help but notice a lady, sitting by herself, was making glances towards him. Hmm Lost thinks to himself "wonder what she has on her mind". Lost motions to the bartender and sends the lady a drink of her choice and asks the bartender to invite her to his table. Not long after the bartender talked with the lady and gave her a drink that she made her way to his table. Muffy (the dog) had a look of disappointment in her eyes as she now had more competition then what she had expected. The atractive lady sits across from lost and begins to introduce herself as a local townswoman. As the night gets longer and the drinks get stronger there conversation goes into an expected twist of what to do now and if she would like to join him at his hotel. Being the *international playboy* that he was he knew he had just another notch on the belt just waiting for the moment. They decide to leave and go back to the local motel where he considered would be his office for the night and this might have his work cut out for him. They conversate for a short period before he works his magic and then realizes that he seems quite ...dizzy...room spinning...and Lost unaware of whats going on has now fell fast asleep. Waking up the next morning he realizes that his head is pounding like a sledge hammer on a chain gang and that his company is still in bed with him. He rolls out of bed and makes it to the sink where he finds some aspirin to help with the banging in his head then procedes to lay back down with his guest and continue where he had left off before falling asleep. He decides to wake her in an unsuspecting way when all of sudden..... his hands feel something that shouldnt be there..... omg...say it isnt so...what have i done says lost...this cant be... will this be the end of his international playboy reputation???

Lost mind was racing...what he had left of it. OMG what had he done? Grabbing his clothes and running for the door...trying every so hard not to wake up what ever it was still in his bed. Quietly he opens the door. What who do you think was standing on the other side of the door???? OMG Was it GATORSPADES standing there with all the blondes from Nidink? OR was it Intexk...bugga...PIPER and Slayne? ORRRRRR was it all of the above???