A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a halloween fancy dress party. He does not know what costume to wear to hide his head and leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.
"Dear sir, please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate".

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A week later and he receives another parcel and a note which says, "Dear sir, sorry about our previous suggestion - please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head you will really look the part".

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. He writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads, "Dear sir, please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup. Pour the golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple."