Screaming like girlies and legging it, The Persuaders stop under the Arc de Triomph to catch their breath. There, a tall beautiful woman, wearing a beret at a tilt, and a string of onions round her neck , sauntered over to them. My name is Froggy, I am 'ere to 'elp you...zair ees an underground club awaiting you, walk this way...

The unsuspecting duo mince just like the lady ahead of them, all the way to the 'club'. It was in a Parisian basement, the smell of the 'Plat du jour' lingering heavily in the air, making Inky's tummy growl, the scent of garlic and freshly baked bread, teasing his senses. He started drooling.

The mysterious woman disappeared into the gloomy atmosphere of the club and Lost and Inky followed her. 'Where are we being led ? ' enquired Lost. 'When are we going to be fed?' enquired Inky.
They looked all around them, what sort of club is this ? they wondered.
There were tables with pointy designs and stones and dice on them.
Couples sitting opposite each other, some in a state of half undress. 'What is this place?' Losty asks the beautiful Froggy.

'Eeet ees pour le backgammon' Eet 'as been banned from France,' she continued..'we are forced underground, like criminals, just because our politicians preferred to play at nidink than to attend to the running of our nation..

Losty and Inky were no strangers to backgammon, it's addictive allure and it's slightly seedy reputation. Everyone knew,if you wanted a mistress (this is where the french were weak) you had to play backgammon at least once a day or even better, enter a tourney.

'You wish for to play?' Enquired the stunning hostess. 'YESSS WE DO !'
replied the daft duo in unison .
Lost was quickly seated opposite a woman with a broom made out of twigs. She leaned forward to reach for his hand..He didn't see her face, his eyes never strayed from her heaving chest.
'What is your name ?' the chest asked. 'Perk' Losty replied.
Well, Perky, good luck , you will need it , she added menacingly, in a sultry to tone.

Inky was sat opposite a statuesque creature of heavenly proportions. 'Have you any food?' he asked immediately. 'For you my love, I have many dishes of sublime wonder' came the masculine reply.
'Are you French ? is that why your voice is deep and sexy?' asked the innocent Inky. 'No, I am a Londoner'
'what are you doing here ?' asked Inky, being polite.
'I am up to Bugga all mate' said the strange woman, who reached for Inky's hand and blew him a kiss.

Inky glanced over to Losty, hoping to catch his eye. Losty was squinting in pain. The 'Chest' was winning her game whilst crushing Lost's toes with her dangerous high heels. Inky and Lost caught each other's glance and there was real fear.

Another tall female descended on Inky, she spoke in a soft european accent...'you must come viff me, I vant your body'
'Losty Help me' were the last muffled sounds to be heard and he was gone.

as our intrepid adventurer inky was led away by the unfeasibly tall beauty, he had a thought (yes, thats 2 in 3 days now)...Hmmmmmm, there's something not quite right about this whole scenario....i only ever get led away by the police, but still being in awe of this giant of a woman, suspiciously sporting a tom selleck moustache, he thought....i know that face from somewhere.....then it hit him!!!...not who it was but the tall, hirsute and amply bosomed interlopper who was leading him away....yes boys and girls, you've guessed it.....Minxy had somehow managed to grow 3 feet in height and had trimmed her tash!!!.....tossing inki over her shoulder, he landed behind her on his head...mebbe that'll knock some sense into him, she thought...now to go back and get lost, then i can keep them both in my dungeon and have my wicked way with them, she cackled sardonically....what will happen to our two adventurers?.....will they escape the evil clutches of minxy?....will lost want too?....will inki care as long as the fridge is full?.....tune into the next installment ....

Just then, loud whistle blowing could be heard. It was a raid !!!
The gendarmes, waving their batons, kicked over the tables, they rounded up the illegal players, and lined them up against the wall.
The minx put her finger to her lips to tell her two captives to be quiet, but Inky screamed. The door to the dungeon was thrown open and all three were lined up with the rest.
Losty was wearing a zip up latex hood on his head and rather fetching tight black leather shorts and kinky boots. He had clamps attached to his nipples and a dog collar round his neck. Inky was dressed in a giant bib and a nappy. He was clutching a bottle of baby lotion.

'Allo Allo' say the gendarmes in unison, raising their eyebrows.
Minxy slips the gendarmes some euros and slips away discreetly.
The gendarmes walk up and down, using their batons to prod the suspects inappropriately. They walk up to the tall masculine female..and soon find out she is from London. They search her bag. There they find 2 ready rolled joints, half a bottle of JD and HRT tablets and a do it yourself colonic cleansing kit. They slap handcuffs on him and shove him, rather rudely, into the back of the police van. They walk down the line again and demand that Losty unzip.
(so they can see his face) He misunderstands and removes his extra tight shiny shorts. He is immediately arrested for over exposure.
The gendarmes face Inky now. 'WTF? the gendarmes all ask at once.
Inky quickly squeezes the bottle of baby lotion in their faces and runs, grabbing losty out of the back of the police van on his way, and they flee into the Paris night.
Back at the club, the gendarmes are being patched up by the 'girls'
who then proceed to instruct them in the finer art of backgammon. wink wink

Doing there utmost to blend into the gay parisian night, Lost still in his gimp mask and tight shorts, Inki still donning his nappy, for reasons which will become apparent later, they head towards Notre Dam, where they are sure the hunch backed, moustachioed heroine from the underground backgammon brothel (for that is what it turned out to be), would be willing to alter their facial features and quitely whisk them out of the country...after careful consideration tho, it was decided that, with Inki being the sexiest man alive and Lost just being a gimp in a mask, a quick 2 month stint at the Moulin Rouge could be quite appropriate, so Losty, relieving himself of his tight black shorts, was dressed in fishnet stockings, a basque (padding wasn't needed due to the man boobs)...a look that he often tried to achieve in the privacy of his log cabin back in canada, but being in the company of the worlds sexiest man, a look he felt he could pull off this time. The hunchbacked, moustachioed heroine who, for the purpose of this intriguing tale, shall be called minxy, whisked them under cover of darkness to the Moulin Rouge to begin their 2 month stint. Inki now quite excited, as you could tell by the small bulge in his nappy, was finally going to be able to realise his dream...to tread the boards at a famous theatre.....my mother will be so proud of me when she reads about my show stopping performance's he day dreamed...especially as he had he trusty sidekick lost with him!!....off they skipped hand in hand, ready for more adventures.

With Lost in his long corset extending to his hips (for those wondering what a basque is) and Inki in his nappy, this was just the thing to get them both hired at the Moulin Rouge. The only catch was they were hired as a team and both had to go on stage together.

Lost struts out onto the stage in his black fishnet stockings and his corset with the red bows there are wolf whistles :whistle: :whistle: and cat calls:woohoo: from the audience.
As Lost sits down in the rocking chair (in a very unlady like position i may add), Inki comes strolling on stage in his nappy, licking slowly on a chocolate pacifier.

As inki starts to climb up into Lost's lap ... there are sirens and a loud speaker erupts with ... the place is surrounded give yourselves up.

Lost and Inki are saved from embarassment by the National Gendarmerie... but how will they escape this time? Are they doomed for a life behind bars?

"Losty what we gonna do man?" asks inki in a panic.

Quick thinking Lost had an idea, "inki shove that pacifier in you mouth and stay on my lap curled up" Inki thinks he doesn't like that plan but onthe bright side he gets to suck onthe chocolate longer and proceeds to do as Lost asks.

During the raid everyone is ina panic while being thrown in to the prison van, when they fget to lost andinki, lost puts on a girly pathetic voice and says "Sorry officer, I only came in here to ask if I may use the baby changing room, for my little bundle of joy"

"oh madame, apologies" replied the officer, "let me escort you out of the building, away from this mess, it is no place for a lady and her child".

Inki and Lost find themselves in a dark alley and bid the officer farewell and quietly slip in to the shadows of the night, you can just hear inki saying "Losty? you think we will score at any time soon?" and lost replying "Not looking good is it?".